Où sont mes cadeaux de Noël?

Where are my Christmas presents? – The only question I had in my mind this morning.

I have been waiting for Santa the whole year, the year of recession, the year of lowest salary hike, the year of ups and downs, the year of toughest times, the year of struggles and the year of surprises.

I thought there ain’t no Santa for me this year!

Finally, I looked out of window and suddenly remembered my old phrase –

“Think for the worst and get the best” 

Was this year that bad after all?

“No”, I said again “No”. Things could have been even worst. I suddenly started to think about all the worst that could have happened –

What if I had lost job? – Millions of people lost their jobs during the recession; I could have been one of them, at least I have a job.

What if there were no salary hikes? – There were billions of people in world, who had no salary hikes this year; I could have been one of them, at least I got something to joy.

What if there were no struggles or tough times? – If there were no struggles this year, I would never have learned to write so much, I would never have improved my English, I would never have never have learned French, I would never have learned anything about myself, and I would never have put my first step toward my biggest goal. Without all these struggles life would have been a dead man’s life, this year I got so many things to joy for.

What if there were no surprises? – Yes, this year was full of surprises, but it could have been even worst. One of my very good friends had an accident and broke his spinal cord, however he is still alive that is more than anything I could ask for. Without this surprise I would never have learned the value of a friend and the value of a life. I worked really hard the whole year towards my goal, goal that I could have very easily achieved, however I missed that by a surprise margin. Without this surprise I would never have learned the value of hard work and the value of getting even stronger after a failure. I have learned to say “Yes” to life, now I am ready to accept any surprise in my life as in a Jim Carrey’s “Yes man”.

I thought of all the worst that could have happened in a year. Finally, I came to a conclusion that “this year could have been even worst, this year was not that bad after all”.

Do I need Santa this year?

I said: “No” I already got all that was best for me. ‘Yes man’ finally said No!!!!

“Think for the worst and get the best”

Was it worth it?

This is question that everyone who knows me might ask these days.
It’s been few days; someone asked me “Was it worth it”? – I smiled with no reply.

That particular question was making too much noise into my head. I asked myself again and again – “Was it worth it”? – Was it worth trying for something that means everything to you but nothing to world? – Was it worth putting so much effort into something that has given you nothing in return? – Was it worth keeping yourself away from everything that you love? – Was it worth putting all your efforts towards your goal and failing in the end?

I believe answers to these questions might decide altitude for not only me but also for everyone around me.

Finally I got my answer, answer from my inner voice, answer from my heart, answer from my failure, answer from my pain, answer from the fall on the ground, answer from my helpless feeling, answer from my hope, answer from my strengths, answer from my courage, answer from the question itself , simple answer –

“Was it not worth it”? Was it not worth learning from that one failure that has taught me more than my any success?

As we see in sports, all players put their everything to win, win for their fans, win for their countries, win for their loved once, win for their lives, and win for their dreams. What happens at the end of the game – best team wins and other loose? So for loosing team was it not worth trying for that win, was it not worth practicing for that win, and was it not worth putting all efforts for that win.

Answer to these questions is a dialogue from the movie, based on a true story – “We are Marshall”, which made me cry. I watched that movie many times again and again to listen to a motivational speech from the coach to his team –

“One day, not today, not tomorrow, not this season, probably not the next season either but one day, you and I are gonna wake up and suddenly we're gonna be like every other team in every other sport where winning is everything and nothing else matters. And when that day comes, well that’s, that’s when we'll honor them. ”

Was it not worth it? Was it not worth it listing to that dialogue again and again that has become a part of my post now, the dialogue that has answered the questions for me?

I think few successful people have better answered these questions than I have:

“The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed.” – Lloyd Jones

“If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.” – Woody Allen

Few of my friends asked me again, “What if you fail again?” I just smiled as said myself – “ One day, not today, not tomorrow, not this year, probably not the next year either but one day, my success will define the rule for me.”

“Was it not worth it?”

Am I on the right track ?

Everyday I wake-up in the morning and start my day with same old routine. It’s like living life as a robot with On/Off button, robot that is programmed to do same tasks each day.

Am I happy with this life – answer is ‘No’. Same Steve’s question pop outs in my mind “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today” – answer is ‘No’.

So, what I want to change? – I am trying hard to find answer to this question. However, there are few things that I certainly want to change for me as well as for everyone around me.

I still remember during college days I used to smile a lot, there was always a big smile on my face. I used to feel very pleasant to see all happy faces with big smile around. Now it’s all gone. On my way to office (I call it a ‘Well of death’ – Indian carnival show), I see kids around waiting for their school buses with the same old smile that reminds me of what I was and what I am now. On the same path I see elders, with big question mark on their faces, faces with no expressions at all, people honking all around, pushing each other on streets, in public buses, in public trains and even at the fuel pump or an ATM queues.

One may argue with me that I am also a part to it, I would say 'yes I am', but that is one thing I want to change in my life. I want to see happy faces around me every morning.

When I was in France, I have noticed exactly opposite of what I see in my country. Every morning during my journey to office I used to see many happy faces with a pleasant smile on their faces, it was a good start of a day and I used to see it as a dream world, I remember well that I started to smile during those days, but now I am back home and it’s all gone.

Sometimes I feels as if I am not on the right track, may be people on the different streets have same old smile.

So, finally I am asking a question to myself – Am I on the right track?